Since I have quite a few non-Dutch speakers visiting my site, I’ve decided to offer some of my blogs in English as well. This first blog is actually the most-read post on my site, exploring the complex relationship between porn and addiction—an issue that transcends cultural and linguistic boundaries. By providing this content in English, I hope to reach and inform a wider audience on this important topic.
“Why you think the internet was born? Porn, porn, porn!” This line is sung in the musical Avenue Q in the song The Internet is for Porn. However, our interest and fascination with sexual imagery far surpasses the boundaries of the digital age. Erotic murals in Pompeii, the Warren Cup—a Roman silver cup from the first century depicting two young men making love—and 19th-century Chinese erotic paintings show that the fascination with pornographical images is as old as time itself.
While porn has always been around, the internet has changed something fundamental because now porn is available everywhere, all the time, and accessible to anyone. It’s so easily accessible that children, on average, are 11 years old when they first (often unintentionally) encounter porn.
Why do we watch porn?
The internet has made pornography more accessible than ever, and the numbers reveal just how staggering its consumption is. Pornographic websites are among the most visited sites globally, accounting for a significant portion of global internet traffic. One of the world’s largest pornographic websites recorded an average of 3.2 billion visits per month in 2022—that’s 106.7 million visits per day or over 4.4 million per hour.
And if that weren’t striking enough, tens of thousands of new websites are launched worldwide every day. While the exact number of pornographic sites is difficult to track, estimates suggest that hundreds of new porn sites emerge daily. Back in 2003, there were already 1.3 million pornographic websites, and with the exponential growth of the internet, that number has undoubtedly surged. These statistics highlight not only the widespread reach of pornography but also its deep integration into the digital world. This makes access easier than ever—while, for some, quitting has never been harder.
Part of the answer why we watch porn lies in the reward system in our brain. Our reward system is a part of the brain that ensures we pay attention to things essential for our survival. We are rewarded with dopamine, a neurotransmitter that regulates pleasure and reward, for paying attention to food, sex, safety, and social connections. Our brains are evolutionarily programmed to respond to sexual images with dopamine. But that’s only part of the answer to why we watch so much porn, so often. Porn has quite a few benefits: it’s anonymous, and everything you can imagine is available (no pun intended). Additionally, porn is always available, never “not in the mood,” never “tired,” and never rejects you.
“Porn doesn’t confront us with our insecurities about our
bodies, sexual performance, or the shame of our desires.”
It also doesn’t judge fantasies or sexual preferences, nor the things somebody feel ashamed about. It never says you want sex too long or too short, too often or too little. And it can go on for as long as you want. One thing people often underestimate: porn doesn’t confront us with insecurities about our bodies, our sexual performance, or our desires.
Porn can change the wiring in our brain
But there’s a flip side to this coin, as these benefits come with a cost. Porn is so hyper-stimulating that it can significantly alter the wiring of our brain. The overwhelming stimuli from porn can affect your brain in such a way that it becomes accustomed to these intense experiences, potentially changing our reward system. One consequence may be that it becomes harder to get sexually aroused by a real person. As a result, some people may even “prefer” porn for satisfaction over having a real relationship. Moreover, there is a connection between excessive porn use and depressive symptoms, a lower quality of life, and deteriorating mental health. People who become addicted to porn—whose brains have changed, and whose dopamine receptors no longer function properly—tend to watch more often, for longer periods, or seek out more extreme forms of porn.
Why do people become addicted to porn?
Nearly 90% of men watch pornography, but there is an important distinction between ‘normal’ use and compulsive behavior. It’s not just the frequency or duration of watching that determines whether there is a problem, but rather the role that porn plays in a person’s life. There is a link between self-esteem and compulsive porn consumption. People with a strong sense of self-worth and healthy relationships generally feel less inclined to use pornography as an emotional escape. On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, or a negative self-image may be more vulnerable to excessive porn use. Factors such as an emotionally distant upbringing and anxious attachment styles can contribute to this, but they are not the sole explanation.
In some cases, pornography serves as a way to numb uncomfortable feelings, stress, or insecurity. Initially, it may seem to provide relief due to the dopamine release in the brain. However, with frequent use, the brain’s sensitivity to reward can decrease, leading individuals to seek out pornography more often or turn to more extreme material to achieve the same effect. This can create a pattern where a person becomes reliant on pornography to feel better, while in the long run, it actually leads to negative consequences.
How do you recover from a porn addiction?
Recovery from any addiction begins with realizing that the way we’ve been trying to solve our problems has only made it worse. And that the methods we’ve tried to stop the addiction so far haven’t worked. This is because people only focus on the superficial symptom behavior. Step one in breaking out of this cycle is seeking help. Then, the focus shifts to strengthening self-worth. In this process, rediscovering self-control becomes a powerful tool for healing and recovery.
As a group counselor working in addiction treatment, I work weekly with individuals struggling with their relationship to sex, porn, and attention. You can seek help through individual therapy or group therapy, where you discuss important topics under the guidance of experienced group therapists and learn from one another. There are also free 12-step groups like SLAA where you can find support.
Please leave a comment down below or share the blog with someone we might find it helpful. And if you need help with this problem, reach out!
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